14months old and you can already drive me to melting point. How is that possible? I love you with every single cell in my body and when you smile or giggle, my heart absolutely melts. But when you whine for 2 straight hours like a broken siren and nothing can get you to stop, I want to smash my own head against the wall in the hopes that I might lose my hearing. (Monkey was not sick she just hadn’t had her afternoon nap… so was over-tired).
I can’t imagine my life without you and when you fall sleep at night, I gaze upon your angelic face and marvel at God’s divine grace and count my blessings to have you. But when you wake up at 4am and wont go back to sleep – the constant talking (you really need to learn to take a breath, child!) & the banging of toys/doors/walls/anything as loudly as possible, I start asking myself why people think it is a good idea to have children. Especially those people who have one already and want to have another….
I found myself losing my cool last night. You screamed when I tried to put you into the bath because you didn’t want to… then realized how much fun splashing was and suddenly being in the bath was the best thing EVER. After attempting to wash your hair, soap suds I am sure got into your poor little eyes with all the thrashing and wriggling you did – I tried to take you out of the bath. Bad idea… Again you screamed…. You didn’t want to get out of the bath. Using whatever I could get my hands on as distraction “toys” to get you to calm down finally worked so that I could dry you off until you decided that lying down was no longer part of your plan and ninja kicking me with all your strength in the gut while I attempted to place a nappy on you was far more fun. As I tried to wrestle you into your pajama’s, you were rubbing your eyes and moaning and all I could think was “yes, child, me too….”. I managed to get you into your sleeping bag as you writhed and cried and raised my voice with “ENOUGH now”. And only when you were firmly ensconced in my arms sucking on your bottle with very sleepy eyes did we both truly relax.
And then I realised that I wasn’t going to be winning any Mother of the Year awards – not that this is the goal, but we all try so hard to be the best parent that we possibly can. And I had failed. I had failed in patience. I had let the little things eat away at me and I had raised my voice to a child who had zero understanding. I can only hope that she remembers our loving cuddle before she headed off to the land of nod and not my red angry face as we struggled a few minutes before that.
Being an adult in general is difficult… but add the title of Parent to it and suddenly life hits a whole new level. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t change my situation for all the tea in China but sometimes I feel like I just need to stop the ride and sit on the floor for 5minutes to catch my breath.
So today… I start the day off with a little prayer to ask God for patience and strength. And I will do everything possible to be a better mom today and not lose my cool or raise my voice. And maybe, just maybe you can consider sleeping a little longer tomorrow morning?